If you’re a parent, then I’m sure you know that screen time is the evil villain of the modern age. It’s the ruiner of children, destroyer of society, a plague on all things good and honest. It probably says muahaha and twirls its little mustache as it steals your child’s attention once more.
Our news and feeds are full of people telling us no screen time, sharing horror stories, begging us to go back to our roots of endless outdoor play. And all jokes aside, I fall for it every time. I, too, look at those lovely videos of moms baking things from scratch while their children play with chickens in the garden, and feel like the worst parent in the world. My kids don’t play with chickens! In fact, if they saw a chicken, I’m pretty sure they’d scream and run away!
And so, tormented by this pastoral, slow living aesthetic, I once again forbid my kids from ever looking at a screen again and proclaim boldly that from now on, we’re all going to spend more time outside.
Which, to be honest, isn’t a bad thing per se, but I believe it misses the point entirely.
You see, the thing is, we cannot go back to the old ways of living — not without some apocalyptic event, at least. Digital devices are here to stay. And so, rather than eschewing them entirely, I believe our best bet is to use them, and teach our children to use them, in a balanced, creative way.
Screen-Free Childhood Is No Longer Realistic
In this endless effort to live a slower, more intentional life, I’ve done my best to whittle down my own screen time to the bare minimum (lead by example, and all that). Thanks to my propensity to break phones, and general dislike for social media, that hasn’t been too hard.
But if I’m honest with myself, most of my life still revolves around screens. I work from home and spend 8+ hours in front of a computer. I like watching YouTube videos. I read books on my Kindle. I like watching shows, movies, anime. All my bank apps, accounts, recipes, etc. live on some sort of a device, as does the accursed, unavoidable parent group chat.
So a screen-free life is not realistic for me. Unless I want to quit everything, move to a mountain and tend to sheep all day long. Which, if I’m honest, I don’t.
And the same can be said for our children.
In our school, laptops are still not the norm (they still use ye olde paper and pencils), but many schools around the world now require students to have them. During the cursed pandemic years, kids needed computers to get education.
And much as I hate it, their social lives are or will be partially online. Even if I don’t want my children to have a social media account, most of their friends do (or will) and then they’d be left behind.
Not to mention, all future jobs require technological fluency.
So, my very convoluted point is that a screen-free childhood — not to mention, screen-free life — is no longer possible, or even a good thing. I’m not arguing that you should let your children run free, give them all the social media, all the shows and movies, all the Roblox they want. Rather that the goal shouldn’t be to avoid screens altogether, but to use them intentionally, mindfully, and in a balanced way.
Not All Screen Time Uses the Brain the Same Way
This might be shocking to hear — sensitive readers beware — but not all screen time is bad. There’s a difference between passively consuming and being actively engaged.
“…the psychological impact of technology use depends more on whether it supports or undermines autonomy than on sheer duration.”
What this study found is that yes, while the duration of screen time matters, our mental wellbeing depends more on how that screen time is used. Active vs. passive engagement.
In practice, this means it’s better for you to play a video game or do something creative with your screen time than watch TV shows or YouTube videos. And the same is true for your kids.
The screen time is not the same if you let them watch YouTube Kids for 2 hours and if you let them play an age-appropriate video game. Videos are passive engagement, plain consuming. Video games, the right ones at least, are all about creativity, problem-solving and actively participating.
I want to focus on games here because one, this is a gaming blog (what else did you expect), and two, I can think of no better example of needing to use all your brain cells while being in front of a screen. It also helps that there’s a study suggesting that games might be good for children:
“The researchers found that the children who reported playing video games for three or more hours per day were faster and more accurate on both cognitive tasks than those who never played. They also observed that the differences in cognitive function observed between the two groups was accompanied by differences in brain activity. Functional MRI brain imaging analyses found that children who played video games for three or more hours per day showed higher brain activity in regions of the brain associated with attention and memory than did those who never played.”
From the National Institutes of Health report: Video gaming may be associated with better cognitive performance in children.
Gaming often involves planning, memorizing, experimentation, reading, decision-making, and collaboration. I’m not saying you should let your kids play games for three hours a day (as the study participants did), but that an hour or two of playing Minecraft or something age-appropriate is not bad for them.
Doubly so if you play the games with them or participate in a meaningful way. This could be just watching while they play and let them show you what they’ve built (my daughter loves doing this), or showing them how to play, how to think things through. Not only is this good for their problem-solving skills, it also builds a stronger bond between you.
And if they have siblings, collaboration can be so much fun! Now, I know, it may also not be as fun for you when they start fighting, but it is a good learning opportunity — how to work with people, be patient, and compromise.
The Real Concern Should Be Game Design
Now that we’ve talked about how good games can be for your children, it’s important to discuss what types of games are good. Because I wouldn’t suggest letting your 7-year-old play Counter Strike or GTA V (even if you maybe did the same as a kid, you know, in those times before parents cared about this sort of stuff).
Instead, find games that offer healthy, educational experiences (while also not being strictly “educational”, because who wants that). Look into creative sandbox games, puzzle games, story-driven ones, cozy games, or even local co-ops you can play together. It really depends on what your child likes and what you’d be comfortable with them playing.
My daughter loves Minecraft, but she dislikes the zombies, and I don’t like having her exposed to other people while playing, so she mostly does creative building and raising the animals. We also found some fun math puzzles on mobile (like crosswords, but with equations), which she adores — and I’m not saying they helped with math this year, but she got straight A’s, so I’m not not saying it helped.
There are regular crosswords, obviously, fun logic puzzles (like Screwdom), sudoku, etc. She loved all of these.
We even got her an old-school Wii this year for Christmas, and she adores Just Dance and Wii Sports — didn’t even mind the old-fashioned graphics! Plus, all our kids love it when we play together; we even got the grandparents and other family members to play and it’s so much fun!
These are just some examples of how games can be both fun and good for kids.
But, as a parent, you need to sift through the muck to find what works for your family. I would avoid any predatory mobile games (there are a ton of those), which ask your kids to spend money or watch numerous ads. Avoid any loot box systems, anything too violent (again, age appropriateness matters here), and any apps designed to be addictive.
I would recommend researching any game you intend to buy, and playing anything that’s free before you give it to your kids. That way, you can determine easily whether a game would be good or not.
As someone who loves reading, I often equate the two — I wouldn’t let my kids read books that I know nothing about just based on the cover (there are cartoon covers now on some really mature books), so I wouldn’t let my kids play a game just because it looks colorful and fun. Research and parental control matters.
Balance Still Matters
And as much as I love video games, all of this is not to say that you should let them play as much as they want. Balance always matters.
Too much screen time — or inappropriate screen time — can absolutely be harmful when it’s at the cost of enough sleep, exercise, interaction with other people and kids, outdoor play, hobbies, and real life in general. Research consistently links excessive screen use with poorer outcomes when it crowds out healthy behaviors.
So, while it’s perfectly fine to let your kids enjoy some video games, it’s also important to promote healthy habits — playing outside, having offline fun with friends, reading, learning, etc.
Digital Literacy Is the New Essential Skill
It’s also important to teach your children how digital devices and the online world works. It’s important to talk about, and help your kids understand how algorithms work, how monetization works, how to evaluate information they get online, how to recognize dangers and manipulative systems, and more. You don’t want your kids to fall for these schemes due to the lack of digital literacy.
One day, they’ll have to navigate online spaces alone, and the best thing you can do is prepare them for it, not keep them away from it all.
Conclusion
So, my point is — games aren’t bad for kids (as news loves to tell us), at least not all games, and having your kids play games instead of chasing chickens does not make you a bad parent. Actually, the very fact you’re concerned about this makes you a good parent.
You should allow your children to learn and understand digital devices, provide them with good education on how to navigate the online world. You should let them play good video games because they’re ultimately good for them, or at the very least, not any worse than playing with toys.
But appropriate guardrails have to exist, and you as a parent are responsible for what your kids play and do. With good research and good communication, video games can be a fun creative outlet, entertainment, even a learning opportunity. It all depends on how you go about it, and of course — it’s all about balance and moderation.
